I wish my penis had an off switch
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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