I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
