Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
