I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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