Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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