I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to be your penis for a week.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
