doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
