I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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