So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
