You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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