you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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