when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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