I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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