is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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