all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
