happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is wine microwaveable?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
