but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
