I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
