never play flip cup with pint glasses
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
operation have a gay friend backfired
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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