A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
