so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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