...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
