Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
