So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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