apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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