It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
