If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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