so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
