You made me cry and you don't even care
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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