i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
