cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
