You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
