You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
