guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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