he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My feet surprised me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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