They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dick very happy bro
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
