It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
