She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
