dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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