Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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