yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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