And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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