You're completely useless in the revolution.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
