i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
