how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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