Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
