i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
