i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's rum buckets o'clock
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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