the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
