I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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