I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
