There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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