Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
