Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
