I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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