Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
