you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The beer is more important than you right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
