Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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