we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
