this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
