I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk is not a location!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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