My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im part way to drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
