I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
