On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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