dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
