haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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