she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize