did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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