Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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