A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
