arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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