Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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