You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize