Princesses don't give blow jobs
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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